Top 100 Movies of all Time… according to me! (100 to 86)
Let me just say, I do not claim to be an expert in Cinema. I do not have a fancy degree in Film (then again, a good portion of the Directors on this list don’t, either) and I haven’t seen every movie ever made. So, if I missed some of your favorites, just keep in mind: THIS IS MY LIST, BITCHES!!!
The reason I decided to compose said list, is simple: I’m extremely vain. That, and I love spreading my knowledge of film to anyone who will listen (or read). The purpose of this list is to point folks in the direction of some great films that they may not have seen. So, keeping that in mind, a lot of “obvious” choices did not make the cut. And lets get it out of the way now, goddamn fucking Shawshank Redemption, is NOT on this list.
100. Precious: Based on the Novel Push by Sapphire (2008)
THE RUNDOWN: The film follows Clareece “Precious” Jones, a lost soul growing up rough in Harlem. She is only sixteen, but has given birth to two children, is a functioning illiterate, and has been brutally abused by both of her parents throughout her entire life. Hope comes in the form of an alternative school and things begin to look up for Precious.
FEATURING: Gabourey Sidibe, Mo’Nique
REASONS TO LOVE: This film is a wrecking-ball. I literally can’t think of a single way to improve it. You’ll laugh you’ll cry… you’ll cry some more. Shit, you might even want to curl up in your bathtub and stay there indefinitely. I know none of that sounds like fun, but trust me, you have to see this movie.
FAVORITE QUOTE: My name is Clareece “Precious” Jones. I wish I had a light-skinned boyfriend with real nice hair. And I wanna be on the cover of a magazine. But first I wanna be in one of them BET videos. Momma said I can’t dance. Plus, she said who wants to see my big ass dancing, anyhow?
99. I’m Not There (2007)
THE RUNDOWN: A biopic on the legendary singer/song writer, Bob Dylan. I use the term “biopic” loosely. The story revolves around eight different characters that reflect a self-contained aspect of Dylan.
FEATURING: Christian Bale, Cate Blanchett, Heath Ledger
REASONS TO LOVE: Not a perfect movie, I’ll give you that. It even gets a bit boring at times. But, this has to be one of the most original and beautiful films I have ever seen. Each actor portraying Dylan has their own unique take that on its own would be enough to sustain an entire movie. Together, you get something that has never been seen.
FAVORITE QUOTE: God, I’m glad I’m not me.
98. Sin City (2005)
THE RUNDOWN: Based on the Eisner-Award winning comic book series of the same name, this movie is a passion project brought to life by Robert Rodriguez and creator Frank Miller. With a film-noir feel, the movie weaves together multiple plotlines that add up to one of the most stunning adaptations ever created. If you’re a comic book nerd like me, then you know just how faithful this movie is. No easy feat.
FEATURING: Bruce Willis, Mickey Rourke, Jessica Alba
REASONS TO LOVE: The nerd in me is grinning like the Joker just thinking about this movie. I still can’t believe just how well they were able to bring this gritty tale to life. Granted, it is full of cheese and cliché lines, but in this case, it only adds to the greatness. Somewhere between Casablanca and Pulp Fiction, this movie is one of the most well made movies I’ve ever seen.
FAVORITE QUOTE: This is blood for blood and by the gallon. These are the old days, the bad days, the all-or-nothing days. They’re back! There’s no choice left. And I’m ready for war.
97. The Devil’s Rejects (2005)
THE RUNDOWN: A sequel to Rob Zombie’s first flick, House of 1000 Corpses, Rejects takes place closely after the events of its predecessor. Otis, Baby, and Captain Spaulding are on the run after the police raid their humble abode—which happens to be packed with mutilated and rotting corpses. A ruthless man of the law, Sheriff Wydell, is out for blood and will not stop until he has avenged the death of his brother.
FEATURING: Sid Haig, Sheri Moon Zombie
REASONS TO LOVE: This is one of those films where either you love it or you hate it. I happen to be the former. It’s gruesome, sadistic, and hard to watch at times, but if you love old Grind-House flicks, this is a must see. A tribute to movies like Texas Chainsaw Massacre, this film will have you wondering why you feel so bad for these sick fucks. Oh, and I’m throwing it down, here and now: best use of Freebird in a movie ever. EVER!
FAVORITE QUOTE: Boy, the next word that comes out of your mouth better be some brilliant fuckin’ Mark Twain shit. ‘Cause it’s definitely getting chiseled on your tombstone.
96. Bridesmaids (2011)
THE RUNDOWN: The story follows a maid of honor whose life is spiraling out of control as her best friend preps for marriage. Hilarity ensues.
FEATURING: Kristen Wiig, Maya Rudolph
REASONS TO LOVE: And who said chicks can’t do raunchy? This movie will have you gasping for air to the point of alarm. The entire cast is firing on all cylinders.
FAVORITE QUOTE: I want to apologize. I’m not even confident on which end that came out of.
95. Jurassic Park (1993)
THE RUNDOWN: This low-key affair takes place on a tropical island Amusement Park filled with dinosaurs. What could go wrong? It’s not like a tropical storm could knockout the power and result in the release of hundreds of deadly beasts that can shred human flesh to ribbons… oh shit, wait–that’s exactly what happens.
FEATURING: Alan Grant, Samuel L. Jackson
REASONS TO LOVE: I doubt you haven’t seen this one, so you know. No matter how many times you watch this, it still keeps you on the edge of your seat. And, for being almost twenty years old, the special effects and CGI actually hold up pretty well.
FAVORITE QUOTE: But, John. If the Pirates of the Caribbean breaks down, the pirates don’t eat the tourists.
94. Catch Me If You Can (2002)
THE RUNDOWN: Following the divorce of his parents, Frank W. Abagnale, Jr., a 16-year-old kid decides to run away. This coming of age tale explores the life of one of the Worlds most famous forgers. Based on true events, and spanning the life of a truly unique person such as Mr. Abagnale, you will be captivated throughout.
FEATURING: Leonardo DiCaprio, Tom Hanks
REASONS TO LOVE: One of my all-time favorite Spielberg movies. It has it all, humor, love, drama, cross-country shenanigans. What more could you want? The best way to describe this movie is an international game of cat and mouse, spanning decades. I really felt invested in the characters and it doesn’t hurt to have a cast as deep as it does, either.
FAVORITE QUOTE: Two little mice fell into a bucket of cream. The first mouse quickly gave up and drowned, but the second mouse, he struggled so hard that he eventually churned that cream into butter and he walked out. Amen.
93. Platoon (1986)
THE RUNDOWN: Drawing from his own personal experience as a soldier in the Vietnam War, Oliver Stone makes his directorial debut. This gripping movie is one of the harshest and most revealing portraits of the Vietnam War ever made.
FEATURING: Charley Sheen, Willem Dafoe, Forest Whitaker
REASONS TO LOVE: Seriously, this is a classic. And, maybe, Charley Sheen’s only great acting performance.
FAVORITE QUOTE: Are you smoking this shit so’s to escape from reality? Me, I don’t need this shit. I am reality. There’s the way it ought to be, and there’s the way it is. Elias was full of shit. Elias was a crusader. Now, I got no fight… with any man who does what he’s told. But when he don’t, the machine breaks down. And when the machine breaks down, we break down. And I ain’t gonna allow that… in any of you. Not one.
92. The Basketball Diaries (1995)
THE RUNDOWN: Yet another story based on true events, it is also one that you either love or hate. Jim Carroll and his private school basketball team rise up the ranks in New York as his best friend and former teammate dies of leukemia. The team coach tries to have sexual relations with Jim and later gets him and his friends kicked out of school for using drugs. Following his expulsion, Jim falls deeper into drugs and even begins to rob people, turn tricks and betray friends, all in the name of his addiction.
FEATURING: Leonardo DiCaprio, Mark Wahlberg
REASONS TO LOVE: If you’ve ever known a junkie, then you’ll get it. Though portraying a drug addict has become a bit of a cliché, Leo turns out a performance in this movie that will rattle you. The scene in which he begs for his mother to let him into her apartment still haunts me.
FAVORITE QUOTE: I was just gonna sniff a bag but one guy says if you’re gonna sniff you might as well pop it and another guy says if you gonna pop it you might as well mainline.
91. Happy Gilmore (1996)
THE RUNDOWN: Happy just can’t catch a break. From an early age, his passion was hockey… too bad he sucks at it. And, when Happy finds out that his Grandmother will lose her home if she doesn’t pay the IRS, he must find a way to raise cash—quick! By chance, Happy discovers that he isn’t half bad at golf…
FEATURING: Adam Sandler
REASONS TO LOVE: This is the reason I continue to go see Sandler’s shitty movies, hoping he might recreate the magic found in this flick. ‘Nuff said.
FAVORITE QUOTE: During high school, I played junior hockey and still hold two league records: most time spent in the penalty box; and I was the only guy to ever take off his skate and try to stab somebody.
90. Jet Li’s Fearless (2006)
THE RUNDOWN: Wushu Master, Hu Yaunjia, dreams of becoming the greatest fighter in all of Tianjin. He quickly makes a name for himself and eventually opens his own school. A scuffle between one of his students and the Master of a rival school, results in Hu murdering his rival. Filled with regret Hu swears off Wushu and leaves his home in search of peace.
FEATURING: Jet Li
REASONS TO LOVE: I know what you’re thinking… a kung fu movie, really? Yes really, and maybe one of the most beautifully shot movies of all time. The color pallet in this movie is amazing. The depth and pacing far exceed that of its counterparts and will likely change your view on the genre. Give it a shot. And, please don’t watch it dubbed.
FAVORITE QUOTE: Poison works very quickly. It has worked its way to my heart… Zhensheng, promise me you won’t seek revenge. Revenge will only bring us more bloodshed. Please, that’s not what I want. We must strive to become triumphant… Nong Jinsun, I only understand wushu. I practiced for many years to understand what Wushu is, what is wushu’s real purpose. The competition must continue. One cannot choose how one’s life begins. It takes courage to finish the final step.
89. Batman (1989)
THE RUNDOWN: After witnessing the murder of his parents, Bruce Wayne, vows to rid Gotham City of Crime, and he becomes the Batman. But, can he stop the murderous psycho-killer known as The Joker?
FEATURING: Jack Nicholson
REASONS TO LOVE: Even though Tim Burton clearly hasn’t read many comic books, this movie is a welcomed departure from the Adam West Batman. Its dark and gritty tone broke new ground for Super Hero flicks and continues to be a fun watch.
FAVORITE QUOTE: “Winged freak terrorizes”? Wait till they get a load of me!
88. Children of Men (2006)
THE RUNDOWN: Humanity has lost its ability to procreate. All hope is lost and the world is spiraling out of control. A dying society finds hope when a young childbearing woman is found, but can she be transported safely to The Human Project?
FEATURING: Clive Owen, Julianne Moore
REASONS TO LOVE: This is what science fiction should strive to be. Children is so classy and understated, yet utterly pulse pounding. There are a couple of continuous shots in this film that will blow your mind and really make you feel like part of the action. Great, great film.
FAVORITE QUOTE: As the sound of the playgrounds faded, the despair set in. Very odd, what happens in a world without children’s voices.
87. Donnie Darko (2001)
THE RUNDOWN: Donnie is an outsider. He slowly becomes more and more anti-social, accentuating the fact that he just can’t stand most people. Then Donnie meets Frank. Frank is a half-human/half-rabbit who professes to Donnie the end of the World—he even gives an exact time…
FEATURING: Jake Gyllenhaal
REASONS TO LOVE: Some of my love for this movie has faded, mostly due to how much some people overrate it. Which is said really. I do love it but, frankly, I’m sick of talking about it. Just watch the fucking movie.
FAVORITE QUOTE: First of all, Papa Smurf didn’t create Smurfette. Gargamel did. She was sent in as Gargamel’s evil spy with the intention of destroying the Smurf village. But the overwhelming goodness of the Smurf way of life transformed her. And as for the whole gang-bang scenario, it just couldn’t happen. Smurfs are asexual. They don’t even have… reproductive organs under those little, white pants. It’s just so illogical, you know, about being a Smurf. You know, what’s the point of living… if you don’t have a dick?
86. X-MEN: First Class (2011)
THE RUNDOWN: This is the first, in what is assumed to be many films to come, rebooting the highly successful X-Men series. It’s super heroes and historical fiction all wrapped up in a fast paced origin story involving none other than Professor X and Magneto. However, these are not the X-Men you might have expected. Charles Xavier (Professor X) is cocky, self-absorbed, and apparently a real lady-killer. Erik Lehnsherr (Magneto) is a Holocaust survivor out for vengeance. Together, they form the X-Men to stop the evil Sebastian Shaw from unleashing a new World War.
FEATURING: Michael Fassbender, Kevin Bacon, James McAvoy
REASONS TO LOVE: Most of the time I say, DO NOT FUCK WITH THE SOURCE MATERIAL. Think about it, with a movie like X-Men, you’ve already got a legion of loyal fans willing to put up hard earned cash to see their favorite comic come to life. It seems like a no brainer and yet, time and time again, we get movies closer Ghost Rider than Sin City. Surprisingly though, with this one they actually improved the story. And for all those stick-in-the-mud X-Fans, you know it’s true.
FAVORITE QUOTE: I’ve been at the mercy of men just following orders. Never again.